Long Way Home
by Fifth Horseman
Summary: Pain can push you a long way from home, but the trip back is easier when it's made with someone you love.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or the rights to anything associated with it. Gainax created this world, I just play in it.

I do however own any and all original characters that appear within this story.

**Long Way Home**

The steadily strengthening light of the morning sun slowly lit the dim recesses of the sparse, clinical bedroom, but it offered no warmth to it's lone occupant. A woman, dressed in a set of light blue hospital scrubs, sat on the bed with her legs drawn up close to her chest and her back against the wall. She clutched her blankets around her desperately as if she could use them to warm the chill that seemed to permeate her very soul. Her sad, fatigue ravaged eyes stared unfocused across the room as her body shook and her mind reeled from the nightmare that had awakened her.

She was lonely and she was scared, her mind clouded by medication to the point that she hardly knew who she was, let alone where she was. She couldn't remember how long she had been here or when she last saw her friends. She didn't like it here. She didn't like the abusive doctor with the hard, cold eyes, or his trio of pitiless assistants. She didn't like the needles and the pills they forced on her. She didn't want to stay here any more.

"When are you gonna take me home Shinji?" she tearfully asked the empty room.

_**Chapter One:**_

_"In an apparent suicide, prominent psychologist Dr. Hiroshi Nakamura was found dead in his cell this morning at the Tokyo 2 central detention centre. Until recently Dr. Nakamura was the Chief of Psychology at the Hayashida Institute. He was arrested early last week under allegations that he was abusing some of the patients under his care…"_

Dr. Kenji Yoshida ran a hand through his thinning hair as he muted the sound on the small television in his office and set the remote down on his desk. He didn't need to hear the report again because he had already heard it three times and he knew what it said. More importantly he knew what it didn't say. There were hushed whispers that Dr. Nakamura had been a high ranking member of the SEELE organization and it just so happened that every one of the patients he had mistreated were survivors of the attack against NERV's headquarters, five years earlier. Through those unfortunate victims he was exacting his personal revenge against that organization for the prevention of Third Impact, and along with it, Instrumentality.

Dr. Yoshida was one of the most respected psychologists in Japan and had once held the position of Chief of Psychology at the Hayashida Institute before taking a teaching position at Tokyo University. When Nakamura had been arrested, the Prime Minister himself had requested that Yoshida examine Nakamura's victims and see to their treatment. The Prime Minister had reluctantly confirmed for Yoshida that the whispered rumours about Nakamura were true.

Apparently the government was still feeling the sting of the previous administration's manipulation by SEELE and was willing to do whatever it took to look after NERV associated personnel. The instructions that the previous government had given to the army for that attack were nothing short of extermination orders and hundreds had paid for the transgressions of a few. Innocent men and women had been slaughtered even when they posed no threat and were trying to surrender. The government was still having a very hard time washing away the blood that stained its hands, a task that may well prove impossible.

Yoshida hadn't really known Nakamura very well, but during what little contact he did have with him he found him to be a supremely arrogant man who seemed to think of himself to be above everyone else. He always acted as if he held some great knowledge that placed him in a different class than the rest of humanity. It had turned out that he indeed was in a different class. Not many people wanted to destroy all life on earth in a divine attempt to end mankind's suffering. He had been largely responsible for crafting SEELE's intricate manipulations of the government and the UN.

The police investigation had found that the now deceased doctor had been subjecting his patients from NERV to hallucinogenic drug therapy, designed to make their existing conditions worse. They suffered from hallucinations and nightmares that progressively worsened their conditions, and at least one patient had died of a heart attack when his body could no longer handle the anxiety or the cocktail of drugs Nakamura was feeding him.

When Yoshida had taken over there were still four patients at the institute who had been under Nakamura's care, if it could be called that. Three of them had been lucky in a way because Nakamura had largely ignored them so that he could concentrate on tormenting the fourth patient, and their cases had already been passed on to other well respected therapists.

Police interviews with three of the staff members who had willingly cooperated with Nakamura stated that along with the drugs, he had engaged in forms of verbal abuse that impacted the patient's sense of self worth and that he had also been very 'hands on' with the fourth patient. They were adamant that he hadn't gone so far as to rape her, but there was no proof either way. Medical tests had found no evidence of it, but that didn't mean that it hadn't happened at all, only that if it had, it hadn't been recent. The three accomplices had acted as the buffer that kept Nakamura's activities secret from the rest of the staff. Those three were now sitting in prison cells of their own. He wasn't a vindictive man, but he hoped their incarceration was very long and very unpleasant.

Yoshida slipped on his reading glasses and picked up the fourth patient's file again. It had been a rough five years for her. She had spent almost three years in a coma before she finally awakened and was admitted to Hayashida shortly afterward. It was thought that she had been admitted under false pretences by Nakamura himself who had seen her in the hospital when he was there on other business.

The cocktail of drugs that he had been giving her had been enough to leave her in poor physical shape all on their own, regardless of her previous condition, and she was currently in the medical wing of the institute undergoing treatment to detoxify her body. He glanced at the photos he had inserted in her file to document the condition she was in when he took over her care. She was pale and thin, her features drawn, and her eyes were ringed with dark circles due to a lack of sleep and had a sad and haunted look about them. She was physically weak and probably had been ever since she had awakened. Nakamura had denied her the physical therapy that would have let her regain her strength from the atrophy of three years in a coma.

Nakamura had chosen the medications carefully, snaring his patient in a Catch 22 situation. Not only had they promoted the psychological effects he desired to see by making her nightmares worse, but they had also turned her into an addict. The mental effects of the drugs were horrific enough for her on their own, but her body craved them now and like any other drug addict she would do almost anything to get it. Nakamura hadn't failed to take advantage of that when it amused him to do so.

The drugs had also affected her ability to eat properly, they were hard on the stomach and along with other side effects, they made it hard for her to keep anything down. She had lost weight and didn't get much sleep due to her recurring nightmares. They couldn't sedate her because the sedatives conflicted with the mixture of drugs already in her system. She had the look and demeanour of someone was heavily under the influence of narcotics. Her movements were often lethargic and uncoordinated, which had resulted in a recent fall that had left her with a very badly broken left wrist, and her eyes were glassy and often unfocused. She was a mess and it was going to take a long time just to get her right physically, let alone mentally.

Yoshida found himself taking this case personally because he was already familiar with the patient. He had first met her twenty years earlier when she was only fourteen years old. Misato Katsuragi was the sole survivor of the Katsuragi Expedition to Antarctica and he was one of the doctors who had attended to her during the two years after her rescue, a period of time where she spoke not a single word. As soon as she was able to do so, she had stopped taking therapy and Yoshida had no doubt that she had spent most of the years since then fighting off nightmares of what she had experienced during Second Impact. Those memories would have only gotten worse under Nakamura's special brand of care.

Nakamura's notes described her as having nightmares and hallucinations that brought about episodes of depression with near catatonia, along with periods of manic behaviour, both of which required medication to alleviate. It was a diagnosis that had served to cover his activities because there was some truth to it, even if he was the cause of it. His reputation and position as Chief of Psychology had put him in a position beyond the scrutiny of most and it wasn't until one of his lackeys grew a conscience that his misdeeds had been uncovered.

Half of the file in Yoshida's hand, the true file on Misato Katsuragi, had been delivered to him by the police after they raided Nakamura's home and seized his computer and paper files, and it was very detailed and concise. It contained notes on the drugs and their dosages and transcripts of his so called therapy sessions with her.

However, Yoshida could not and would not take any of it as truth until he could verify it for himself. He wouldn't base his treatment program solely on what a vindictive ass like Nakamura had documented. There was simply no way to trust the information until it could be verified. He wanted to have her medical files as well, but someone in the hospital's administration had a case of the jitters and was reluctant to give them up since she was a former member of NERV.

A knock on his office door brought him out of his thoughts. "Come in," he said as he closed the file and slid it aside.

A tall, white haired man in a doctor's white coat and with a stethoscope hanging around his neck, walked in carrying a file folder and two cups of tea. Dr. Manobu Nozaki was the Senior Attending Physician at the institute and he was an old friend

"I thought you could use a little break Kenji," Nozaki said.

Yoshida gestured for him to have a seat in front of the desk. "That's what makes you such a good doctor, you can anticipate the needs of your patients."

"Speaking of patients," Nozaki began as he handed Yoshida the folder. "I have her medical file from the time she was in the coma."

"How did you manage that?" Yoshida asked. "I've been getting nowhere with the hospital administration for a week."

Nozaki grinned. "The Health Minister is an old golfing partner of mine and he was glad to apply a little pressure for us. She was evacuated to the hospital here in Tokyo 2 after the attack on NERV with a gunshot wound to the chest and she had almost bled to death. They nearly lost her three times, twice on the operating table and once in the ICU. They didn't give her much of a chance to survive or to come out of the coma when she did. She was emotionally distraught after she woke up and that's where Nakamura stepped in."

"I haven't seen her yet today," Yoshida admitted. "How is she?"

"Not good," Nozaki frowned. "She didn't have a good night and her withdrawal symptoms are getting worse. The residual levels of the medications he was giving her are dangerously high and it is very difficult to wean her off of them without undue suffering. I had hoped to cut the dosages down gradually until we can cut it off completely, but, when combined with how much is already in her system, the levels will be far too high. I have to cut it down in bigger steps and she is suffering for it. And as you know we can't sedate her because the drugs will conflict."

Yoshida shook his head sadly. "She doesn't sleep well, she can barely eat, and the mix of drugs she was subjected to is hard to get her off of. She suffers from horrible nightmares and bouts of depression. The bastard must have planned it this way. Even though he's now dead, she continues to suffer and will for some time."

"She has been a little calmer since you suggested we move her to a bed where she could be closer to the windows," Nozaki told him. "She spends a lot of time looking outside like she's waiting for someone. The nurses have heard her say the name Shinji several times."

Yoshida nodded. "A friend of mine at the police department said he would try to find out who he is. I know that he must be someone from her time at NERV and he must have meant a great deal to her. The drugs have her so messed up right now that she has very few moments of clarity. She will sit there for hours, unfocused and unresponsive, almost like she's in a coma again, or she'll just keep repeating the same thing almost like it's her mantra. When she's down she fears that this Shinji is either dead or has left her and she gets very upset. When she's up she talks about him coming back to her and saving her and she gets very hopeful and optimistic. I fear that the longer this goes on, the more she's likely to believe that he's not coming, for whatever reason, and her condition will deteriorate."

"What if your friend can't find anything out?" Nozaki asked. "We both know how hard it is to get any information about anything or anyone who was associated with NERV."

"Then I will go to the government and demand some answers," Yoshida said with conviction. "The Prime Minister asked me to look into what has happened here and he should be prepared to supply the information I need to do so and help Nakamura's victims."

"You really are taking this case personally, aren't you?"

"It may not be very professional of me, but yes, I am," Yoshida confirmed. "I treated her when she was a teenager and I always felt that I wasn't able to do enough for her. She witnessed and survived Second Impact. That should have been enough, but she nearly died trying to prevent a Third Impact, and her reward is to be abused and mistreated by someone like Nakamura for her trouble. I will do whatever I have to in order to help her."

* * *

In the medical ward, in a room that overlooked the well manicured and maintained front entrance to the institute, Misato Katsuragi, former Head of Operations for NERV, sat on her bed, leaning against the window frame as she basked in the midday sun. The warmth felt good and soothed her aching body, if only slightly. Any relief she could get was highly welcomed.

She was barely coherent, her clarity of mind coming and going as if on a whim. In her rare clear moments, one of which she was in the midst of, she knew it was withdrawal from the drugs Dr. Nakamura had forced her to take that was making her feel so terrible. The rest of the time she was barely aware of things around her. She would zone out for hours, totally unaware of the passage of time.

She had one bit of behaviour that was constant no matter what state of coherency she was in. She spent a lot of her time looking out of the windows waiting for her Shinji-kun. Her champion. Her Angel Slayer. Her Knight in shining, purple armour. He would be an adult now, if he was still alive. He had to be, it was the only thing that kept her from giving up. It was the last shred of hope she had to cling to. She had been waiting for a long time, hoping that he would come back to her, that he would take her home and look after her. That he would hold her in his arms, chase away her pain and ease her crushing loneliness, and tell her that everything was going to be okay.

She hoped he would tell her that he loved her.

She felt her eyelids begin to feel heavy and knew that soon she would have to leave the warmth of the window and lay down. She didn't want to. She would welcome sleep, she wanted to sleep, but the nightmares just wouldn't leave her alone. Dr. Nozaki had assured her that when they were finally able to flush the drugs out of her system she would start to get better and Dr. Yoshida assured her that she could overcome the nightmares. She wasn't so sure.

Here in the hospital she couldn't drink herself stupid to keep the nightmares away like she used to, and even if she could it would only make her condition worse. Besides, she doubted that even she could drink enough beer to drown the nightmares the drugs had given her. She felt so alone and she didn't think she could win this fight without someone to lean on.

She started to cry as she lay down on her bed. "Where are you Shinji-kun? You haven't forgotten about me have you?" The mere suggestion was enough to break her heart as she drifted off into a new nightmare.

* * *

Thank's for reading. Reviews are welcomed and greatly appreciated. I really enjoy the feedback. 


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or the rights to anything associated with it. Gainax created this world, I just play in it.

I do however own any and all original characters that appear within this story.

**Long Way Home**

_**Chapter Two:**_

Shinji Ikari yawned widely as he slid open the balcony door of his apartment and stepped out into the morning sun, a steaming cup of tea in his hand. He regarded the view as the sun illuminated the skyline of the city of Toronto, several miles distant. Meeting the day in quiet contemplation was part of his daily ritual, one that reminded him of just how far he had come, both geographically as well as mentally, in the last five years.

The memories of his past didn't haunt him anymore, thanks to four years of psychotherapy, and he found himself able to review them without going to pieces. There were moments when the memories of the painful past came unbidden to his mind, still painful just by their mere presence, but they no longer controlled him and sent him into a mental tailspin. That was a good thing because today was a day that he knew he would spend in reflection of his past. Today was the fifth anniversary of the day he and Asuka had fought and killed the mass production Eva's and averted Third Impact. It was also the anniversary of the last time he saw Misato.

Every time he thought about it, he could still feel her lips on his and could still hear her words as clearly as if it had just happened. It was at that most desperate moment in time that he had felt his long downward spiral stop and begin to reverse directions. He knew why she had done it, but he didn't care that it was a tactic to get him to keep up the fight.

The fact of the matter was that he had felt love and care in that kiss and his splintering mind had decided to hang onto it for all it was worth. He had been looking for that feeling for most of his young life. He liked that feeling and wanted more of it. He was desperate for it, so desperate that he was willing to commit what little sanity he had left to it, taking a chance that there was something real there.

His therapist had told him that it was just a survival mechanism kicking in, his subconscious mind taking over to try and make him fight and survive instead of fleeing into a dark abyss that would swallow him whole. He preferred to think of it as being saved by the love of another. It sounded more romantic that way.

Either way, he had decided right then that he would take the chance to live and he wanted Misato to live too. So when she pushed him into the elevator he hung onto her jacket and pulled her in after him. He held her tightly and cried an apology to her for pushing her away, for being such a coward that he had been ready to let the soldiers kill him without so much as a word of protest. She smiled and told him that if he wanted her forgiveness he would have to keep on living. He promised her that he would.

When the elevator had reached the Eva cages he found one of the massive first aid kits that were always on hand and with his limited knowledge he did the best he could to treat her wound and try to contain the bleeding. He made sure that she had decent cover if the soldiers broke into the cages and made sure she had her gun.

As he went to leave she stopped him and gave him her bloodstained, silver cross. _"For luck,"_ she had said. _"Because I made you a promise and you made me a promise."_

He knew from the sounds of combat coming from the direction of the command bridge that he wasn't going to be able to count on any help from them in getting Unit 01 launched. He could hear the reports of the battle going on above him in the GeoFront coming over the PA system and he knew that Asuka needed his help, even if all she was currently doing was cursing him for not being there to do so. He suddenly realised just how sick he was of her constant bitching and whining, but he knew he had to help her. Somehow he had to get his Eva into the fight.

And so there he stood, with Misato's bloody cross clenched in his left hand and a renewed sense of purpose in his mind, staring at his Eva which was still encased in hardened Bakelite and wondering just how in the bloody hell he was going to get it out. Even if the people on the bridge could do anything on their end it would still take far too long to melt the hardened material away. As if sensing his despair, Unit 01 began to move on its own, breaking out of its makeshift prison. Apparently his mom was a romantic and had a sense of dramatic timing.

When he sealed himself inside the entry plug and synched with the Eva it was very different than any other time had been. He felt like he _was_ the Eva, not just synched with it. He spread his AT Field and used it to cut his way through Central Dogma and to the surface of the GeoFront. Unit 01 rose out of the ground, creating a roaring wind that filled the air with debris, its eyes glowing and a set of fiery golden wings spreading from its back.

All who saw it, including Asuka, thought it looked like a demon rising out of the depths of hell. That didn't stop her however from screaming at him at the top of her lungs as she finished off the last MP Eva and her batteries ran out. The last thing she heard before her Eva went silent was the uncharacteristically angry voice of the Third Child yelling at her, telling her that _"it would be nice if for once in your life you would stop whining and just shut the fuck up!"_ Shocked at his vehement outburst, she did just that.

The appearance of Unit 01 was what the mass production units were waiting for and as they revived they flocked towards the purple behemoth, leaving Asuka alone. With no weapons other than it's hands, Shinji and Unit 01 attacked the white Eva's and began tearing them apart. He ripped them to shreds, crushing their dummy plugs and their cores.

As he shredded the fourth one he sensed, more than saw an object speeding towards him from above. The Lance of Longinus was returning from it's lunar exile. He rose up to meet it and caught the powerful weapon, using it to dispatch the rest of his enemies. It was the last thing he remembered until he woke up in a hospital four days later.

Three days after he awoke he saw a list of the names of the dead from the attack against NERV and he found Misato's name on it. It devastated him, stripping him of the tiny little shred of newfound hope that he had gained and making his heart feel like a burned out shell. He had spent those three days waiting for her and trying to figure out what he was going to say to her, how to tell her what he felt for her. But it was too late, she was gone.

He had tried to run away from the hospital but he was stopped from doing so by Asuka of all people. They caused a huge scene, screaming and yelling at each other and actually coming to blows before they were separated. It wasn't long after that incident that they became almost inseparable. They entered therapy together, they went back to school together, they lived together, and they engaged in a frenzied, physical relationship together.

Three and a half years later, they finally saw that they couldn't continue their relationship as it was. The sex had been scorching and it had given both of them what they needed at the time, a closeness like neither had ever known and an escape from the loneliness of the past, but they couldn't sustain any kind of a more meaningful relationship on it alone. They had both changed a great deal and they parted as friends, knowing that was likely all they would ever really be. Asuka went back to Germany, feeling the need to get away from Japan, at least for a while.

Shinji stayed, but it wasn't long before he began to feel that he needed to leave as well. Money wouldn't be a problem since his father had actually left him a sizeable amount of it. He didn't even care anymore that it was probably embezzled from the UN and he didn't take the time to wonder why his father would have bothered to leave it to him in the first place. He was also receiving a pension for life from the government just as all of the other survivors of the attack on NERV were. The government had been horribly shamed by the way it had been manipulated by SEELE and sought to make amends any way they could. Between the two sums he could comfortably live off of the interest alone. Evidently, suffering did have a price.

He had paid it, sure enough.

The final decision to leave the country was made for him when he woke up late the morning after his eighteenth birthday in the bed of Maya Ibuki, hung over and with a naked Maya on one side of him and an equally bare Ritsuko Akagi on the other. Personally, he had come a long way in four years, but he realized that if he didn't get out of Japan soon he was risking spending the rest of his life in a pattern of self destructive behaviour. It had been a wild and fun night though, with alcohol, nostalgia, and a reason to celebrate leading them there and he found that he didn't regret a moment of it, none of them did. A shared journey through hell had served to bond them together, giving them a certain closeness that only those who had been through it themselves could ever truly understand.

But while he was tempted to stay and drink and have steamy sex with Maya and Ritsuko until they all wore themselves out in an effort to exorcise their demons and forget about the hell they had all been through, he knew that he couldn't. Like him, they were just trying to get along any way they could and put the horrors of the past behind them. It hadn't worked with Asuka and it wouldn't work with them either. He couldn't allow himself to get caught in that trap because he would just be substituting a new type of behaviour for his old one. It would become a crutch to him just like Misato's behaviour had been hers.

As he had with Asuka, he parted from Maya and Ritsuko as a friend. They understood his need to find his own way somewhere else, and there were no hard feelings among them. A few days later Shinji packed a few belongings and hopped on the first available flight he could find when he got to the airport. It was a flight to Vancouver. He hadn't cared where it was going, just so long as it took him away from Japan.

He stayed there for a few weeks but eventually moved on to Toronto, again by taking the first flight he could get, where he had settled into his current residence. Vancouver was nice but had still been too close to Japan for him and the large Japanese community reminded him too much of home. He knew he was just running away again in a sense, but he needed to make a fresh start and as soon as he stepped off the plane in Toronto he knew that he had run far enough. Somehow it just felt right. He needed to prove to himself, if no one else, that he could stand on his own and live on his own, under his terms. So far, he was doing that and he was happy.

He had made some friends who knew him by the name Shinji Kusanagi. It was his own little inside joke since he seemed to have a thing for women with purple hair. It hadn't really been necessary for him to change his name, especially since his father had been officially portrayed as a hero who fought against SEELE and their plans to destroy humanity. Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki had arranged it that way so that anyone who had been associated with the commander wouldn't have to live with the stigma and possible repercussions that being linked with the bastard and his misdeeds might bring. The name change was just a tool to help him start fresh.

He was a student at a small college near his apartment where he studied art and honed his cooking skills. During his psychological therapy back home he had discovered a talent for drawing things, especially people. He was good at it, he enjoyed it, and it relaxed him. He was also prolific. He had several sketch books full of creative portraits of his friends and many of them were of Misato. Not that he ever could, but it was his way of making sure that he never forgot her face.

He kept in contact with Asuka, Maya and Ritsuko through email or phone calls on a weekly basis, and Touji and Kensuke every couple of weeks. He was making a new life for himself and he was content with it. He was finally learning to like himself and to take life from a more simplistic point of view. Maybe someday he would find himself back in Japan, but for now he would take his life one day at a time and see where it led him.

He walked back into the apartment and set his empty cup in the sink and headed towards the shower. As he did every morning he stopped at his computer desk and regarded the photos hanging on the wall above it. There were a number of pictures of him with his friends Touji and Kensuke, but the focal point of the collection were photos of his friends from NERV. There was a spontaneous group shot from one of Misato's parties that had him in the centre and looking rather embarrassed, surrounded by Misato, Rei, Asuka, Ritsuko and Maya. Misato had liked to tease him about it by referring to it as 'Shinji and his harem'.

Beneath that photo were portrait shots of his three favourite people in the world. On the left side was a picture of Rei. No one knew what had happened to her after the attack, not even Ritsuko who had been the last one to see her. Ritsuko had gone down to Terminal Dogma to try to stop his father from starting his own version of Third Impact and he had shot her. Luckily for her, Rei had interfered and thrown off his aim, the bullet striking her in the shoulder instead of the heart. When Gendo attempted to finish the job, Rei used her AT field to knock him away. He was propelled head first into a wall and died of massive head trauma. After making sure that Ritsuko wasn't going to bleed to death, Rei simply turned and left, never saying a word. Ritsuko still wondered why Rei would bother to save her life after everything she had done to her. It was something that still left her with deep feelings of guilt.

The picture on the right side of the arrangement was of Asuka and it had been taken shortly before she left for Germany. She truly looked happy and her blue eyes sparkled with life. She had insisted on signing it for him. "To my favourite baka, Love Asuka." He always got a chuckle out of it every time he looked at it.

The picture in the centre was of Misato. The camera had captured her mischievous nature and she looked so happy. Her eyes sparkled with life and she looked gorgeous. Every time he looked at it he realized just how much he missed her and how much he really did love her. It was the same feeling he got every time he fondled her silver cross that he wore around his neck.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and headed for the shower. If he spent any more time reminiscing, he was going to be late for class. Later tonight he would raise a glass or two in salute to them all on this day that was so important in all of their lives.

_**

* * *

Hayashida Institute: Six Weeks Later **_

Misato sat on the bed looking out of her window, watching the rain fall. The day fit her mood perfectly, it was grey and dismal, and quite frankly she felt like she was drowning. Her slouched posture as she leaned against the window frame spoke of a defeated and broken soul.

Medically speaking, she was feeling a little better. She still had some bad days, but they were succeeding in flushing the drugs from her body and she was able to think a little more clearly. Sleep was still proving to be troublesome and the constant nightmares were still taking their toll, but the doctors were now able to give her mild sedatives to help her get at least a little bit of uninterrupted sleep. Her ability to eat and keep it down was improving, but her will to seek it out was waning. While her body was on the way to a slow recovery, she was rapidly falling deeper and deeper into depression and despair.

Her single sustaining hope, the one thing that had kept her going, was the hope that Shinji would come for her, but as the days slowly wore on she was losing that hope. In her worst moments she would break down in tears of mourning, positive that he must have died a horrible death out in the GeoFront, broken and alone because she had pushed him out there to fight. She had begun to wonder if it wouldn't have been better for them both if she had just held him in her arms and let the soldiers find them and kill them. At least they would have died together, their torment at an end, both of them in the arms of someone who truly cared about them.

To her, even worse than imagining that he was dead, she would imagine that he was alive but was so completely disgusted by the way she had lived her life that he had abandoned her. She would then get angry with herself, her Shinji wouldn't do that to her. Despite his problems he wouldn't just throw her away like that, it wasn't in his nature. She didn't want to believe that it could be even remotely possible, but it was getting harder not to. Despair had a way of twisting one's perceptions that way, and after suffering one of these episodes she would end up inconsolable until she cried herself to sleep, only to have another nightmare come calling.

She was trying to do what she had always done, she was trying to fight, but it was so hard and she was tired and she knew that she was losing. She tried to hold on to her hope by once again imagining what it would be like to see Shinji speeding up the long driveway and screeching to a tire smoking halt in front of the building. He would then come running in to find her, rushing into her room and sweeping her up in his embrace, holding her tight and letting her feel his warmth. She imagined him kissing her, giving back to her all of the emotion that she had given to him when she kissed him after she had been shot. He would pick her up and carry her away, telling her that everything was going to be okay.

"Who am I kidding," she whispered in a shaking voice. "I'll never be anything more than a filthy, drunken slut that nobody wants and who could never deal with her problems. What I want from him, I don't deserve. He should have just left me to die."

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the cool glass, letting her mind wander off to wherever it wanted to go. She didn't have the strength or resolve to give it a direction. She had nothing left. With burning tears rolling down her cheeks, she let the sound of the rain sweep her away.

_**Dr. Yoshida's Office:**_

He felt like he was fighting a losing battle and it disturbed him a great deal. Misato was losing her will to keep going, the nightmares and her fears sapping what little strength she had. It seemed that the key to pulling her out of it and starting her recovery was Shinji. He was no closer to knowing who he was now than he had been six weeks ago. His friend at the police department had hit an organizational brick wall.

His queries had alerted someone in the government, who had spoken to the Chief of Police, who had passed an order down the line to stop any and all queries about NERV personnel. Yoshida then went to the Prime Minister's office to seek answers and was given a lecture on how sensitive the subject of NERV was and that he should forget about any further inquiries. He tried to get across to the Prime Minister how important it was to find out who Shinji was and to try and contact him, but he found that he was speaking to deaf ears. Politics and image seemed to be more important to the Prime Minister than the life of the woman under his care.

He had tried asking Misato about Shinji, attempting to get her to tell him who he was, but every time he did so she got very defensive and protective and refused to answer. She wouldn't even tell him what his role had been at NERV, or hers for that matter. At first he began to suspect that maybe Shinji wasn't even a real person, but after a few sessions with her he determined that she wasn't just fixating on something imaginary in order to give herself hope.

Shinji, whoever he was, had to be a real person and clearly he meant a great deal to her. She was desperate to see him, to know that he was alive and that he hadn't left her behind. Every time he visited her he could see her heart breaking more and more. Soon there wouldn't be anything left of her heart to break.

He sighed heavily as he got up from his desk and went to the window, letting the sound of the rain calm his mind and take away some of the strain. There had to be another way to get the information he needed. Since trying to get it through the front door hadn't worked, maybe he could find a back door that would get him what he needed. The question was, where was that back door.

He closed his eyes and listened to the rain for a while. Soon his mind began to formulate an idea as to how and where to seek the information he required. He smiled as a name came to him, the name of someone he knew he could trust and who he knew would not be afraid to dig for the information. It was a fellow professor from the university, Matsuo Inaba.

Inaba was a journalism professor and some of his more recent lectures dealt with how organizations like SEELE, NERV, and the government had manipulated the media, and thus the public, during the years between Second Impact and the attempt at Third Impact. He had been a thorn in the side of all three organizations during the Angel attacks and he had received more than a few threats during that time for his trouble. If anybody would be able to dig up the information he needed, or at least point him in the right direction, it would be Inaba.

He looked at his watch and saw that it was time for another visit with Misato. Inaba would be teaching a class right now anyway, so he would call him when he returned to his office. Hopefully he could catch a lucky break get the information he needed to try and help her.

* * *

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	3. Chapter 3

I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or the rights to anything associated with it. Gainax created this world, I just play in it.

I do however own any and all original characters that appear within this story.

**Long Way Home**

_**Chapter Three:**_

Three nights later, Dr. Kenji Yoshida found himself in an upscale, downtown bar waiting for Professor Inaba. He was starting his second bottle of beer when his friend showed up.

"I was beginning to think I wasn't going to hear from you," Yoshida said.

Inaba ordered a double whisky as he sat down. "The information you requested was hard to get," he explained in his deep, gravely voice. "Even my best sources within the government have gone silent since the news on Nakamura broke. Anything to do with NERV, and most especially SEELE, is a touchy subject in official circles these days and no one wants to chance getting caught talking about it."

"I have a patient that's on the verge of falling off the deep end and they're worried about the spectre of a dead organization," Yoshida muttered bitterly, unable to hide the growing disappointment and helplessness he was feeling. "Were you able to find out anything?"

"In politics, even the dead come back to life. Fortunately I have my own little network to rely on who are always willing to share what they know," Inaba assured him. "It took a lot of phone calls and e-mails to old colleagues, friends and former students, and a lot of digging through notes and news archives, but I got what you were looking for, if only just."

"Thank you," Yoshida said with a sigh of relief. "My patient is slipping farther every hour and this information could make the difference in her recovery."

"Glad I could be of service," Inaba said. "Your patient held a high ranking position at NERV, she was the Head of Operations. Major Misato Katsuragi was the battle commander for the Evangelions, and one of the pilots she had to send into battle was a boy by the name of Shinji Ikari. She was also his guardian."

"Is he still alive?"

"Probably. He survived the battle and from what I can gather his rudimentary attempts at first aid may have saved your patient's life."

"If he's alive, I wonder why he hasn't come to see her in the last five years," Yoshida pondered.

"He probably thinks that she's dead," Inaba responded. "We found a list of the dead from the attack on NERV that was released a little over a week after the attack and her name was on it. As regrettable as it is, we both know that in the aftermath of disastrous events mistakes are made in the hustle and confusion. In this case someone else was misidentified as Katsuragi and her name was put on the list. With so many casualties flooding into Tokyo 2 after the battle she got lost in the shuffle and she slipped through the cracks. No one ever discovered her true identity until Nakamura came along."

"Your information does clear up a few of the questions I had," Yoshida said. "But I still need to find him somehow."

"I know someone who may be able to help you with that," Inaba told him as he ordered another whisky. "It seems that I drew the attention of some people who saw fit to detain me earlier this evening. That's why I was late getting here."

"Government officials?" Yoshida asked.

Inaba shook his head. "NERV," he answered. "People from the very top of the ladder and they quite badly wanted to know why I had been snooping after young Mr. Ikari."

"And you told them?" Yoshida felt his stomach tighten.

"I had little choice," Inaba said. "And they made it clear that you don't have a choice either. They mean us no harm so long as we mean no harm by our inquiries, but they do want answers. They are waiting for you at the table in the back corner, an older gentleman and two young women. I think they wish to help your cause Yoshida."

"Then for the sake of my patient I will take that chance." He finished his beer and went to the table Inaba had indicated.

* * *

"Have a seat Doctor Yoshida," the man told him when he walked up to their table. He was a rather distinguished looking gentleman with grey hair and a seemingly kind, yet cautious demeanour. To his right was a tall blonde woman whose cool and appraising stare made him feel as if he were being dissected on the spot. To the man's left was a shorter, brown haired woman who's face wore a look of concern. 

"You have me at a disadvantage," Yoshida began as he sat down. "Might I know your names before the inquisition begins?"

"Kouzou Fuyutsuki, Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, and Maya Ibuki," the man said, gesturing to his companions in turn. "And I can assure you that this is not an inquisition."

"Your inquiries concern two people who are very important to us," Akagi said, her voice holding as much suspicion as her eyes.

"We simply want to know why you were asking about them," Ibuki added.

"If you have already spoken to Professor Inaba, then you know why," Yoshida countered.

"We would like to hear it from the source," Fuyutsuki told him. "It's important to us."

Yoshida regarded them for a moment. "Very well. You are aware of the news reports regarding Dr. Hiroshi Nakamura?"

"Yes," Fuyutsuki said tightly. "And I'm not happy that the government let him remain free long enough to do something like this. They knew very well who he was. He was the doctor who did the psychological profiles on members of the government for SEELE to see who would be most easily manipulated and most likely to be swayed to their side."

"And he used that to blackmail the government into allowing him his freedom," Yoshida speculated.

"Precisely," Fuyutsuki confirmed. "We gave your friend Inaba that information, he can do whatever he wants to with it." He shook his head in disgust. "If it hadn't been for one of his lackeys ratting him out, he may have remained untouched. They are so scared of the taint of the previous administration and the knowledge he holds over them that they prefer to turn a blind eye."

"I have experienced that first hand in my efforts thus far," Yoshida explained. "Apparently Nakamura was at the hospital when Major Katsuragi came out of her coma. I suspect that he knew who she was all along and was waiting for her to wake up. He made sure that her official status as being deceased was not changed and he used a false name on all of her official records. That's how he hid her within the system."

"What did that bastard do to her?" Ritsuko asked with barely restrained rage. "I want to know all of it."

Yoshida drew a deep breath and let it out slowly before beginning the story. He indeed told them everything. What he knew had happened for sure, what he had been told, what he could confirm and what he suspected. He told them what drugs Misato had been given and how they had affected her. He told them everything he could about her treatment program since he had taken over her case. He had to stop at one point while Maya took Ritsuko outside to calm her down. It took him nearly an hour to fill them in.

"Will she recover?" Fuyutsuki asked him when he had finished.

"Physically, yes," Yoshida assured them. "Mentally, not without Shinji. He is the only thing she has been hanging onto and she has nearly lost all hope of ever seeing him again. She is becoming convinced that he is either dead or that he has abandoned her."

Ritsuko stared him down, considering his words before finally speaking. "He's alive and well and if he had known she was alive he would have never left her side. He's out of the country, but we can contact him and he will come back to Japan. He would do anything for Misato."

Yoshida breathed a great sigh of relief. "Thank you. It's no exaggeration when I tell you that he may be the key to not only saving her sanity, but her life as well."

_**

* * *

Toronto: **_

Shinji sat on the concrete floor of his balcony with his back to the rough brick wall, the sunrise over the city long past and forgotten. The long distance voice of Ritsuko Akagi kept ringing through his head. After an exchange of pleasantries where he could hear the strain in her voice, he asked her what was wrong and she dropped the bomb.

"_Shinji…It's about Misato. She's alive."_

His current position was where he had landed when he heard those words over two hours ago. He was sure his heart had skipped a beat when she told him the news and his legs had given out, causing him to stumble back and land against the base of the wall, his phone nearly taking the ten storey plunge to the pavement below. After assuring a frantic Ritsuko that he was alright, he asked her to repeat herself and explain. When she relayed to him what Dr. Yoshida had told her, he became angry. He was so angry that he was sure that Unit 01 at it's berserk best would have nothing on him right then. It was a good thing that Nakamura was already dead, because if he wasn't, Shinji would have killed him with his bare hands.

"She's alive," he whispered as he reigned his anger in. "My beautiful Misa-chan is alive."

He knew she was damaged, but she was alive and right at that moment, that was what counted. How in the hell someone had put her name on the list of the dead he didn't know, but he damn sure wanted to find out. The one thing that kept him from not believing that she was alive was his knowledge that Ritsuko, despite everything she had done in the past, would not lie to him. She had changed a lot in five years and she wasn't quite as cold as she used to be. She was carrying a lot of guilt about the things she had done and he knew that she didn't believe she could ever atone for it. But he had gotten to know her well enough to be certain that she would always tell him the truth.

The news was such a shock to him that he found himself unable to move for a very long time. He had never, not even in his dreams, imagined that something like this could happen. His mind began replaying the Misato-centric moments of his life, beginning with the day she picked him up when he arrived in Tokyo 3. As with all things there were good and bad moments in their relationship, but he no longer let any of the bad or painful things he had experienced rule his life.

Strangely enough, one of the things he had come to genuinely miss from his relationship with Misato was the teasing. At the time he had been horribly embarrassed by it, but he couldn't say that he ever truly disliked it. Affection came in many different forms and teasing was one of the ways Misato displayed hers. She enjoyed nothing more than to make him fidget and stammer and blush like a tomato. It had been worth it all just to hear her laugh and see her smile, something she didn't do very much of near the end.

It had taken him a long time to come to terms with her reported death and there was a part of him that never really had. Since the day he saw the list he had felt like a piece of his heart was dead and that something precious had been taken from him. But now he felt a renewed warmth in his heart that he knew would only get stronger when he was finally able to see her again with his own two eyes.

He recalled the kiss again as he fondled her cross, and he remembered what she said to him when he asked for her forgiveness in the elevator. She told him that if he wanted her forgiveness he had to keep on living. He had tried his best to do so and even by his own estimation he felt that he had done okay for himself. He hoped she would be proud of him.

But now the shoe was on the other foot. Misato was the one falling down the well of despair and it was going to be up to him to pull her out. No, not to pull her out, to make her want to pull herself out. He had learned that one the hard way and he had learned it from her. Her words, her kiss, and the feeling that someone truly cared about him had turned him around. It was what made him pull her into that elevator and then go out and fight. Without it he would have continued to suffer as he had after killing Kaworu and he would have had Misato's death added to his already burdened conscience.

He finally got up and went into the apartment and turned on his computer. He needed to make airline reservations for the next available flight to Vancouver and a connection on to Japan. It was going to be a long trip and he really didn't know what he should expect when he got there. He knew from what Ritsuko had told him that he couldn't expect to see the same vibrant and lively Misato he was used to and that saddened him.

"Hang on just a little longer Misato," he spoke to the portrait in front of his computer. "I'm coming for you."

_**

* * *

Tokyo 2, Twenty Four Hours Later: **_

Quite frankly, Shinji felt like crap. Nineteen hours spent flying and waiting in airports, along with the time difference, had taken it's toll on him and the two hours of sleep he had managed to catch on Ritsuko and Maya's couch hadn't helped him much. He was slouched in a chair in Dr. Yoshida's office, trying to stay awake while waiting for the doctor to return from his rounds.

As well as being tired, he was anxious. He wanted to see Misato, to touch her and make sure that this wasn't all some cruel nightmare conjured up by the feeling of loss that had remained with him over the last five years despite all the therapy he had taken. He wanted to hold her and tell her he was sorry for not being there sooner. She needed him and now that he was within reach, he was stuck here waiting.

"What's taking him so damn long," a pissed Ritsuko Akagi said from the chair next to him as she plucked a couple of stray cat hairs from the green blouse and black skirt she wore.

"As patient as ever, huh Doc?" he cracked. He was glad Ritsuko had come with him, he didn't think he could face this by himself. And Ritsuko needed to be here, as much for her own sake as Misato's. Guilt over the breakdown of their friendship was another of the things that weighed heavily on her mind.

"What do you expect?" she shot back. "I'm a results oriented workaholic. And don't call me 'Doc', Third Child."

"I apologize, my beautiful, blonde goddess," he said, unable to keep a straight face.

"Sure, call me that and laugh," she chided him, letting a smile come to her. "That does soooo much for my ego."

"Got you to smile didn't I?" he asked as he yawned and straightened up from his reclined posture. "You should do it more often."

She turned to him, still smiling. "If I didn't know better I'd think you were flirting with me Shinji. And you should do things like that more often."

"If it keeps you smiling, I'll keep doing it," he said. "I have this thing about seeing pretty women smile, it's like an addiction."

"At least it's a good one," she conceded, smiling at his compliment.

They were quiet for a moment before Shinji spoke again, his tone more serious. "Can I ask you something Ritsuko?"

"Sure," she answered. "You can ask me anything."

"You know more than a little bit about psychology, do you think Misato will be alright?"

She sighed. "I wish I could say yes, but I just don't know Shinji. Dr. Yoshida is one of the best psychiatrists in the country and you're here now, which by her own admission is what Misato needs and wants."

He looked at her intently, his eyes pleading for reassurance. "But you heard what Dr. Yoshida told us when we arrived. She's almost completely unresponsive now. What if I'm too late and she doesn't come out of it?"

She placed her hand on his arm reassuringly. "Don't start panicking Shinji," she said, stopping his impending downward slide. "You're stronger than that and you're going to have to be strong for Misato. If she's going to recover she will need to draw strength form you."

"Sorry," he apologized, taking a deep breath. "I'm just really worried about her."

She let go of his arm and leaned back in her chair. "Forgive me for asking this Shinji, but… did your relationship with Misato ever get physical?"

He laughed nervously and blushed. "Only in my dreams."

"I didn't know you had those kind of dreams Shinji-kun," she teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"I was only spinally challenged, not hormonally," he returned.

She regarded him with a smouldering look. "Ever dream about me that way?" she asked in an exaggerated, seductive voice.

He smiled and shook his head. "The first time we met you were wearing a bathing suit and a lab coat, what do you think? As for me and Misato, I grew to care for her very much because she showed more kindness and affection for me than anyone had, including my own father, since my mother died. To tell you the honest truth, even though I was only fourteen at the time, if she had come to me and wanted something more, I can't say that I wouldn't have given it to her."

"So what happened between you and Misato on the day of the attack?" she asked. She knew that something significant had happened, but she had never been able to get the whole story. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she added.

"It's alright Rits-chan," he said with a bit of a sad smile. "You told me what you went through that day and it's about time I told you my story. I owe you that much at the very least." He took a moment to gather his thoughts.

"I had completely given up. I was a trigger pull away from being executed and I wanted nothing more than to have that soldier blow my brains out and take away my pain. I was waiting for it when I heard gunshots and soldiers started to fall in front of me. I looked up and there's Misato running towards me, firing at them with no regard for the bullets coming back at her. She risked her life for me, a pathetic little boy who just wanted to give up and die when the fate of the human race was in his hands."

"And her actions turned you around?" Ritsuko asked.

"Hell no," Shinji scoffed. "She had to literally drag my sorry ass all over Central Dogma because I wouldn't move. She refused to give up though, maybe it was for me or maybe it was for what I was expected to do. Maybe it was both, I don't know. But all the same, she took a bullet while taking me to a service elevator that would take me to Unit 01. She was willing to spend her life for mine so that I could go and fight the mass production Eva's and prevent Third Impact." He smiled lightly. "And then she kissed me, telling me it was an adult kiss and that we would do the rest when I came back to her."

Ritsuko was taken back for a moment. "Well, that certainly sounds like something Misato would do."

"She was bleeding to death. She was dying and she knew it," Shinji continued, doing his best not to cry over the memory. "I knew what that kiss meant. I knew that she was just trying to do anything she could to motivate me, to shock me into doing what I should have been doing all along. Even so, she put every bit of love and care she had for me in that kiss and it gave me something that I needed. It gave me the feeling that somebody loved me and I decided that I could go on living for that. I could go on living for her if she would let me. When I asked her to forgive me for being a coward and for giving up and wanting to die, she told me that I could only gain her forgiveness by continuing to live, and that's what I have done. She gave me the strength and the will to keep on living. I did what I could for her wound and then went out and fought. I gave it everything I had and I won because somebody believed in me. Because _she_ believed in me."

"You really do love her, don't you?" she asked him, her voice almost a whisper.

"I really do," he answered. "And I want to do everything I can to help her get better. I want her to be happy. I want to make her happy and I want to make sure that no one ever hurts her again."

"She deserves to have someone love her like that," she told him, something close to envy in her voice. "No one has ever truly loved her or tried to love her like that. Even if she didn't show it, she's always been very lonely."

Shinji looked confused. "But didn't Kaji love her?"

"Maybe, but who knows," she shrugged. "He never once told her that he did and that really hurt her. Misato's had a lot of pain and loneliness in her life and she deserves better. I believe you when you say you love her and want to make her happy."

"I've never been more serious about anything in my life," he assured her. "I really do love her Ritsuko."

"Good," she said, her voice taking on a hard edge. "But remember this. If you hurt her, I'll gut you like a fish."

"I know you would," he said, while a shiver went down his spine. "And I would expect you to because I would deserve it."

She smiled. "You really have changed haven't you Shinji?"

"Not as much as you might think," he answered. "But I'm trying and I'm not hiding from the world anymore." He sighed. "For five years I've thought about how things might have been and now I'm scared half to death to find out. For the last twenty four hours I've been thinking about what I would say to her. I've been trying to work out in my head how I'm going to tell her how I feel about her, but I keep seeing the old me stuttering and stumbling and running for the hills."

"You won't run," Ritsuko assured him. "Because that's not who you are anymore. Don't think about it so much. When the right time comes the words will be there."

"If I get to see her at all, that is."

"Now who's being impatient," she teased.

"Must have got it from you, I think you're contagious," he quipped.

She could think of several comebacks for that and most of them were inappropriate and would have made him blush furiously. He was still easy to tease and it was all the more fun now because he was capable of giving back as good as he got.

She stood up and stretched and checked her watch. "I know he told us to wait here, but this is ridiculous. We've been here for almost two hours. He should have at least sent word that he was going to be detained longer than he expected." She was beginning to get angry. "Especially after all the trouble he went through to find out who you were and with his concern for Misato's condition."

"Let's go back out to the reception desk," he suggested. "Maybe the receptionist can track him down. I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this."

All of the doctors and therapists in the psychology wing of the institute had their offices on the fourth floor and a receptionist sitting behind an enormous desk in front of the elevators screened all visitors. Dr. Yoshida was supposedly making his rounds of the patients on the second floor, as well as the third where patients who required medical as well as psychological care, like Misato, were cared for.

They exited Dr. Yoshida's office and followed the long hallway back to the reception area and they knew immediately that something was wrong. People from the security staff had joined the receptionist at her desk and were preparing to search the fourth floor and had people stationed at the elevators and the door to the stairwell.

"What's going on?" Ritsuko asked the receptionist who had earlier shown them to Dr. Yoshida's office.

"A patient has gone missing from their room," the woman answered. "The building has been locked down and they are looking for her."

Ritsuko and Shinji both got a sinking feeling in their stomachs and they both hoped they were wrong and just jumping to conclusions.

"Where's Dr. Yoshida?" Shinji asked.

"He was helping to search for the patient but he just called me and said he was on his way back here," the woman answered.

"Was the patient's name Misato Katsuragi?" he asked.

"I do not know," the woman answered. "And I would not be allowed to tell you if I did. Only the doctors are authorized to give out any information on a patient, even in this circumstance." She could see their worry and their displeasure at her answer. "I'm sorry."

Fortunately they didn't have to wait long as Dr. Yoshida stepped out of the elevator only a couple of minutes later. He had a very distressed look on his face.

"It's her isn't it?" Shinji said, his voice and eyes taking on menacing characteristics that would have made his father proud.

"I'm afraid so," Yoshida admitted. "I wanted to check on her again before I came back to my office but she was gone."

"How long ago was this?" a fuming Ritsuko asked.

"Forty five minutes ago," he answered. "This is a rather large building and we have no idea where she is."

* * *

Thanks for reading. 

Reviews are the life blood of the author and I'm feeling like Dracula. Thus, your reviews are welcomed and appreciated.

And while you're at it, sink your teeth into my other works. You know how to find them.


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or the rights to anything associated with it. Gainax created this world, I just play in it.

I do however own any and all original characters that appear within this story.

Welcome to the fourth and final chapter. I hope you enjoy this and I look forward to your response. Quite frankly, this chapter kicked my ass while I was trying to get it done.

Please, enjoy and review.

**Long Way Home**

_**Chapter Four:**_

Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, Shinji observed, as smart and as beautiful as she was, could be a very frightening individual when she put her mind to it. Currently an unfortunate orderly was experiencing her wrath first hand, and deservingly so, since he was the reason why Misato was missing from her room.

Misato's room was on the third floor and at the front of the institute, straight down the hall from the watch station. Each floor was set up in a manner so that a single orderly at a central point could watch the patient's rooms. There was the hallway straight ahead and a hallway to the left that led to the patients rooms, twelve of them in all. To the right was an open recreation room and a secured hallway that led to the alcove for the elevator, the access to the stairwell, and a set of doors that led to the medical wing.

The orderly manning the station had one basic job. Make sure that none of the patients wandered off and make sure that no unauthorized visitors entered the rooms. It was an easy job since all of the doors were visible from the station and each room had a camera that activated when the door was opened to record who was coming and going. The hallways were also monitored by a three way camera mounted in the ceiling in front of the watch station.

The orderly that had been monitoring the third floor, the same orderly whose throat Ritsuko was currently squeezing with her right hand, had failed to mention on his resume that he had lost his last job at the local hospital due to allegations, all true, that he was a pervert who liked to take pictures of unsuspecting patients and occasionally handle his victims. The unconscious or unresponsive ones were his favourites because they didn't fight back. He also wasn't very smart.

In an effort to counteract the cameras he had tripped the electrical breaker that the monitors and the computer at the watch station were wired into. What he didn't know was that there was a secondary circuit for the system. If the primary power supply was disrupted, a battery backup would keep the system on line until the emergency generator in the basement kicked in twenty seconds later.

Thus, unbeknownst to him, he was still being recorded as he left the station, went down the hall, and entered Misato's room. The images on his digital camera confirmed his crime, and his confession and the broken nose he had acquired told the rest. When he was lifting Misato's shirt to snap a few more pictures, she came out of her near catatonic state and lashed out at him, smashing his nose. The door and hall cameras had caught a very frightened and sobbing Misato as she stumbled out of the room and down the hall.

Security had alerted Dr. Yoshida to the situation after one of the institute's computer technicians came to investigate the power failure at the watch station and checked the camera logs. When they reached the third floor, Ritsuko, being more aggressive than Shinji, beat him to the orderly and seized the pervert by the throat. He was currently bent backwards over the desk in the watch station with the enraged faux blonde in his face. Shinji, Dr. Yoshida, a security guard, and the computer technician were all in the watch station and none of them were eager to pull her off of the orderly. Besides having no sympathy for the sick bastard, they all valued their health.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you, you fucking worm!" she raged.

The choking, gasping response she got was unintelligible.

"You can kill him later if you want to," Shinji told her, hoping he could prompt her to let go. "But right now we need to find Misato." If he hadn't been so concerned for Misato, he would have joined Ritsuko in her assault. His right fist opened and closed several times as he fought the desire to put it through the sick bastard's face.

"I think she took his security card," Yoshida told them. He was holding a broken nylon strap in his hand. "All of the interior and exterior doors, the stairway doors, and the elevators require a security card to access them. The staff members wear them on straps around their necks and they are supposed to keep them tucked in their clothes where the patients can't see them."

"I can track the card's usage," the computer technician said as he typed in his password to access the tracking program.

The orderly's gasping and wheezing became less pronounced and his arms and legs were no longer flailing around quite as much.

"I should rip your balls off and feed them to you!" Ritsuko seethed.

All of the other men in the room winced uncomfortably. The guy may have been a lecherous pig who deserved whatever he got, but Shinji couldn't let her kill him. Not for the orderly's sake, but for her own. He wasn't keen though on trying to get between the enraged doctor and her prey, but it had to be done.

'_Well, I survived Asuka…'_

In an act of bravery rivalled only by his last battle in the Eva, he went over to her and placed his left hand on her shoulder and grasped her wrist with his right.

"You have to let go Rits-chan," he said as calmly as he could. "He's a worthless scumbag and he's going to go to jail for what he's done. I don't want to see you end up there instead. I know you're angry, but you have to let go of him."

He felt the tension slowly ease out of her arm as she loosened her grip on the orderly. She had to take a couple of deep breaths before she got herself under control and let go completely. The orderly slumped to the floor and tried to catch his breath. For good measure she stomped one of her high heels into his groin. The security guard drug the wheezing and squealing pervert out of the room.

"I'm sorry Shinji," she apologized. "I let my anger get the better of me." She was ashamed of herself. She had thought that she was over that kind of outburst.

"I understand," he said. "If you hadn't got to him first I might have beaten him to death."

"She's used the card four times," the technician spoke up, getting their immediate attention. "First was the door to the right of this watch station. It leads to the elevator, the stairwell, and the door to the medical wing. She used the card the second time to open the door to the medical wing."

"She would be familiar with that route," Yoshida explained. "We've taken her through there a number of times to have her medical tests done."

"The third use of the card was to gain access to a stairwell at the back of the medical wing," the technician continued.

"That's in the area where the supply and maintenance rooms are on each floor of the medical wing," Yoshida told them. "She was never taken anywhere near that part of the building."

"Maybe she's been hiding back there," Ritsuko suggested. "You saw how frightened she looked on the recording, she could be just running blind and looking for a place to hide."

"That's quite possible," Yoshida said, as he picked up the phone. "I'll let building security know that she may be in that area."

"If she still has the card, she's not there anymore," the technician informed them. "It was just used to access another door."

"Where?" Shinji asked.

"The roof."

* * *

Misato stumbled out of the stairwell door and fell. Instinctively, she put her hands out to help break her fall, realizing a second too late that it wasn't a good idea. She had fallen several times since she had escaped her room, her legs too weak to keep her upright for very long at a time. She had already re-broken her left wrist in an earlier fall that had left her writhing in pain on the floor in a maintenance room, hoping that no one had heard the scream she had managed to choke off. This time when her hand hit the unyielding surface of the roof, she didn't bother trying to hold in the scream.

Once the pain had subsided to a tolerable level, she half stumbled, half crawled to the edge of he roof, scraping her good hand, her knees, and her bare feet on the roof's rough surface until she was bleeding. She propped herself up against a stack of roofing materials that had been left by a contractor who had been making repairs to the building. Five stories below her was the loading dock where supplies were brought in to the institute and her head swam for a moment and she nearly blacked out when she looked down. She quickly averted her gaze and took a deep, shuddering breath. She wasn't ready to go over the side just yet, but when she did it wasn't going to be because she passed out and fell over. It would be by her own decision, the only decision that would truly be her own since she awoke from her coma.

She wondered what she had done to deserve all that had befallen her since she had awakened from the coma. Was she being punished for the way she lived? Was she being punished for using the Children as her instruments of revenge and destruction against the Angels?

She felt her stomach lurch as she thought of the orderly lifting her shirt, the spot on her belly where his fingers had lightly touched her skin making her feel like she'd been branded. A cold chill shot down her spine as it prompted her to recall Nakamura's touch. It had been cold and clammy and full of malice. He would make her strip and beg and plead for the drugs her body so badly needed and her mind so badly didn't want. He would grope her roughly, making her tell him what a disgusting, filthy woman she was. If she didn't denigrate herself enough to earn her next dosage he would slap her around, always careful to use just enough force to cause pain but not enough to leave marks. Fighting back only earned her his hand around her throat, cutting off her air until she passed out, wondering if she would wake up again.

He always chose his words to her very carefully. Every word that came out of his mouth and every action he made was carefully designed to have the maximum amount of pain and despair fill her mind both when she was awake and when she was sleeping. His words would lay dormant in her subconscious until she fell asleep where they would awaken and spawn terrible nightmares that would leave her in such a state that when she awoke she couldn't tell if it had been real or not. She lived in constant fear and turmoil, rarely ever able to determine the line that separated reality from nightmare.

The only tactic he had used on her that hadn't been a complete success, had been his attempt to insinuate Shinji into her nightmares. He knew that she was using Shinji as her anchor to try and hang onto her sanity, so he tried to make her mind defile the relationship between them.

Through the use of various truth serum drugs he had questioned her about her relationship and feelings towards Shinji, using the information to formulate a plan of attack that he hoped would lock her into a permanent state of unreality where her mind would constantly formulate horrific images of one of them abusing the other in a variety of ways. He was trying mostly to plant a personality reversal scenario in her head where instead of being the kind and shy person that Shinji really was, he would be the exact opposite. He wanted the image of a cunning and sick predator who would forcefully take her up on her teasing suggestions and make her feel dirtier than she had ever desired to be. Someone who would humiliate her time and time again, convincing her that she was worthy of nothing more than that.

What he hadn't counted on though, was her view of Shinji as he really was being so unshakeable. She knew that Shinji would never do anything to hurt her and she held onto that as hard and as long as she could. Unfortunately her mind could only do so much to fight it and under the influence of the drugs she had several horrific nightmares where Shinji did horrible things to her, but it didn't quite have the full effect on her that Nakamura had wanted.

When he would interview her about the details of her nightmares he would become enraged that it wasn't working to his satisfaction. He wanted to see her breakdown and beg for it to stop, he wanted to see her fall to pieces over what Shinji had done to her in her mind and say that she hated him. It was the one thing that would most assuredly put her over the edge.

But there were four words that she would say every time he made her recount to him the details of the nightmares and those words infuriated him to no end. At the end of each interview session, when he had reduced her to a shaking, sobbing shell of herself, he would ask her what she would say to Shinji if he was standing there in front of her at that moment. Even as drug addled and broken as she was, she always said the same thing.

"I forgive you Shinji."

He would never know just how close he had come to getting the results he had wanted. A few more days would have seen her mind collapse into the state he desired, but in his frustration he gave up on it and settled for more of the same abuse he had been dishing out before, only involving stronger and more dangerous drugs. If he couldn't destroy her mind through psychological manipulations, then he would destroy it with chemicals and turn her into a walking zombie. Fortunately for her one of his little helpers finally got sick enough of what he was doing to turn stool pigeon on him, leading to his arrest.

Her stomach rolled again and she began heaving violently, but there was nothing in her already empty stomach to expel. The memory of Nakamura's touch literally made her sick. She had hoped that her ordeal was over when Dr. Yoshida replaced Nakamura, but the drugs, the nightmares, and the horrible memories had her in a death grip that she couldn't break. She had put all of her hopes for salvation onto Shinji, just as she had when he was piloting the Eva. She knew it wasn't fair, but she had been too weak to pull herself out from under the shroud of despair on her own. She had needed someone or something to hold onto and the first and only choice that came to mind was Shinji.

The sad thing was that even as a scared and lonely fourteen year old boy, Shinji had treated her better than any man ever had. He put up with her ways, cooked for her and cleaned up after her and helped her to bed when she was too damn drunk to make it there herself. He showed her kindness and compassion and made her apartment feel like a home. With everything he had done for her, both in and out of his Eva, she wished she had showed him more appreciation, maybe she could have helped him to be stronger and believe in himself.

She didn't know exactly when it was she had begun to have the strong feelings for him that she now had, maybe they had been there all along. She had found herself wishing at times that he was older, or she was younger, it didn't matter which. Under those circumstances she could see herself pursuing a relationship with him. He may have been timid and scared and horribly shy, but beneath his misplaced self loathing he was so much better than he thought. Anyone who bothered to pay attention to him and not dismiss him outright could have seen that, but so few bothered to look for it.

But it didn't matter now because he was dead. He had to be because she couldn't stomach the thought that he may have abandoned her. She was ready now to throw herself off the roof and end her pain. She couldn't take the horrible nightmares and memories or the crippling loneliness anymore and she knew that she would never get through this on her own. She didn't have the strength or the will to even try anymore. It was time to end it.

"I'm such a hypocrite," she sobbed as she struggled to get to her feet. "I made Shinji promise to keep on living but I can't do the same." She finally made it to her feet and stood on the edge of the roof, her right hand on top of the pile of roofing materials to keep her steady. "I'm sorry Shinji," she cried. "Please don't hate me for this."

"I could never hate you Misato."

The gentle voice made her freeze, afraid to move, afraid to breathe. It wasn't possible, it couldn't be him. She had to be hearing things again. She had heard and seen a lot of things that weren't really there over the last couple of years and more than once she had heard and seen Shinji, only to have her hopes crushed when it turned out to be a hallucination. She couldn't bear to look behind her, but in the same way that people found themselves compelled to look at a car wreck, she couldn't resist it either. What did it matter now if another dagger of pain stabbed her already broken heart?

She turned and looked behind her and sure enough there was her usual vision of Shinji. He had grown tall and looked strong and healthy, his hair a little long and unruly. He was dressed in a pair of black slacks and a white dress shirt, her silver cross peeking out from his open collar. He wore a sad little smile on his handsome face.

"If only you were real." Her voice was barely audible and cracking with emotion. Her hallucination then did something it had never done before. It walked towards her.

* * *

As soon as the technician told him that Misato had gone to the roof, Shinji demanded directions to the stairway she had used. Once he had that information, he took the man's pass card and ran for the doors to the medical wing. He sprinted down the hall, making doctors and nurses jump out of his way. He found the door that led to the maintenance rooms and the stairway to the roof.

When he arrived on the rooftop he saw her over by the edge, struggling to get to her feet. He slowed to a staggering walk as he moved in her direction. He could scarcely believe it, it was really her. She had never looked so good and so horrible to him at the same time.

The pale blue hospital scrubs she was wearing were dirty and the knees were torn. She held her left arm away from her body and her heavily bandaged wrist seemed to be aligned at a slightly odd angle. She was sickeningly thin and unsteady on her feet and he could tell from her body language that she was at the end of her mental rope. He knew that feeling well, he had been there himself. When he heard her speak it made his heart hurt. There was so much despair and pain in her voice and he wasn't surprised by her reaction when he spoke to her. Dr. Yoshida had told him that she had suffered hallucinations and occasionally still did as they slowly weaned her off of the debilitating drugs Nakamura had fed her.

When she turned and looked at him he almost started to cry. She looked so sad and beaten and tormented. Worst of all was her eyes. They were sad and full of fear. They held no life. They held no hope. Tears were streaming down her face as she looked at him, seeing what she knew just had to be another drug and desperation induced spectre, sent to torment her one last time. The eyes were the window to the soul and it was clear to him that Misato's soul had been beaten down and torn apart. He could see that she had nothing left, that she had hung on as long as she could and she didn't have the strength to hang on anymore.

"If only you were real," she said.

"I am real Misato," he told her, trying to keep the waver out of his voice. "And I'm really here."

"You can't be," she sobbed. She fell to her knees, her good hand going to her head and clutching a handful of hair. Her head hurt and she couldn't focus. "Please, no more!" she wailed. "I can't take anymore! Just let me die. Let me end it."

Shinji knelt down in front of her. It was killing him to see her like this and her anguished words nearly tore his heart out.

"Did you abandon me Shinji? Did you get sick of me and walk away?" she asked, her eyes meeting his, pleading for an answer. Her heart was screaming at her that he was really there, but her head was afraid to believe.

"I would never abandon you Misato," he told her, tears starting to roll down his face. He just couldn't hold them back anymore. "You mean too much to me, I could never do that to you."

"Where were you Shinji?" Her voice was barely discernable through her sobs. "I waited for you every day."

"I thought you were dead Misato." He had to suppress a sob of his own. "I thought you were gone and I fell apart."

She struggled back to her feet again and stood on the roof's edge. He followed. "I tried to hang on Shinji, I tried so hard."

"I know you did Misa-chan," he told her with a slight, sad smile. "I know you did. You always were stronger and tougher than I was. I let you down. I shouldn't have believed you were dead. I should have told them they were wrong and made them prove it. Instead I went to pieces and tried to run away, just like always." He took a deep shuddering breath. "If I had been strong, you wouldn't be here now, ready to throw yourself off this roof. Put the blame on me Misato. Put the weight that's crushing you on my shoulders and I will carry it. Hit me, scream at me, tell me you hate me, but please Misato, I beg you, don't end your life."

"None of this is your fault Shinji," she gasped, her soul wracking sobs stealing her breath. "I can't…"

He didn't let her finish. "If you jump Misato, I'll jump right behind you."

He had said it softly, but it affected her as if he had shouted it and slapped her in the face. "Shinji…"

"If you want to die Misato, then go ahead and jump," he said in as firm a voice as he could manage. "And I'll go with you so that you won't be alone anymore. I don't want you to, but if you're determined I wouldn't be able to stop you. Watching you kill yourself and being left behind would be far worse than dying."

"I don't want you to die Shinji!"

"Then choose to live," he said with a smile. "I know you too well Misato Katsuragi, you fight and you survive. So long as there is a breath of air in your lungs and a drop of blood in your veins, you always fight until the fight is over and you're not done fighting yet. You survived Second Impact. You survived the Angels, my father, an attempted Third Impact, hell, you survived me and Asuka. You can lean on me Misato and I'll give everything I have to help you. I believe in you and I'll give you my heart and my soul because I love you."

Her eyes widened and she stared into his like she was searching for a sign of deceit.

"As with me, no one has ever told you that and meant it," he continued. "That's why when I say it, I mean it Misato. I know how powerful those words are for you and I, and I don't use them lightly. I love you."

It only took a moment for Misato to let him know what her decision was. With the little strength she had left she practically launched herself at him and wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him as hard as she could.

"I love you Shinji!" she declared as she buried her face in his chest.

She felt his arms go around her and pull her close to him. He was warm and he smelled good and she felt as if this was where she was always supposed to be. His embrace felt so natural to her, it was as if they were two pieces of a puzzle that had finally been put together. For the first time since she awoke from her coma, she truly felt safe. For once, the flood of tears that were now soaking Shinji's shirt weren't from pain and despair. They were tears of relief mixed with a little bit of hope, something she hadn't felt in quite a while.

"Shinji?" she asked quietly.

He loosened his embrace enough that he could see her face. "Yes Misato?"

"Do… do you think I'll ever be able to leave this place?"

He smiled and gave her a light squeeze. "I know you will," he assured her. "But I won't lie to you Misato, you're a long way from home. But I will be right beside you the whole way to make sure you get there. When you feel like you can't take another step, I'll carry you for a while until you can get back on your feet again. And when you need a kick in the ass, I'll be here to give you that too." She actually smiled a little when he said that and it went straight to his heart. "See, I made you smile already."

"Thank you Shinji," she said as she laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

He felt her body going slack, her fatigue catching up to her. Physically and emotionally, she was totally spent. He carefully picked her up, cradling her in his arms.

"I knew you would come back for me," she said, her voice barely audible as she drifted off. "I knew…"

He smiled at the now peaceful look on her face and kissed her forehead. "Sleep well Misato."

He turned and began to walk back to the stairwell. A short distance away stood Dr. Yoshida and Ritsuko. Ritsuko had her hand over her mouth to stifle a sob and tears streamed down her face. She was speechless. Even Dr. Yoshida, who had seen so much of the human mind and the interactions of the human race in his forty years as a psychologist, had to wipe a tear from his eye. No one said a word because none were needed or adequate after what had just transpired. They simply followed Shinji back into the building.

* * *

Shinji sat in a chair in his living room, his sketch book on his lap, watching Misato as she slept on the couch. It had been fifteen months since that day on the roof and three months since he was able to bring her home. Her recovery had been a good, steady one and true to his word he had been with her every step of the way. He picked up her spirits when she needed it and gave her hell when she was being stubborn and uncooperative.

Physically, she had recovered well and the physical therapy she had undergone had surprisingly turned into regular trips to the gym. However, she still had days where she felt the side effects from the drugs. She would be tired and nauseous and just generally feel awful, but those days were becoming fewer.

The psychotherapy had gone well, but it had been very hard on her at times. The worst sessions for her had been the ones where she had to deal with the nightmares Nakamura had attempted to cultivate within her mind that involved Shinji. Dr. Yoshida had Shinji sit in on these sessions, which made it even harder for her, but if she wanted to get by it she had to be able to talk about it in front of Shinji. Leaving it unresolved could impact their relationship later on, perhaps leaving her subconsciously afraid of a physical relationship with him.

He found it very hard to be in those sessions. Hearing the things that Nakamura had done to her, the things he had tried to instil into her nightmares, it made him furious. He found himself needing an outlet and he would often end up at a local gym, running the track until he threw up, or pounding on a heavy bag until his hands bled. One day he had shown up with his right hand and wrist in a cast. It had scared Misato. She panicked and thought he was mad at her for having such things appear in her dreams. That had brought him to a standstill and made him realize that he needed to be more responsible in his reactions to what had happened to her.

Outside of the various therapy sessions, he tried to spend as much time with her as he could. When she was well enough to do so, they would walk out into the gardens at the institute and would often end up at the waterfall in the rock garden. They would sit in the grass or on one of the benches, wrapped up in each others arms. They would talk about their respective pasts, not wanting to leave any secrets or mysteries between them. The time they spent in the garden proved to be just as therapeutic as her other treatments.

On the weekends he brought Ritsuko, Maya and Asuka with him. Asuka had wasted no time coming back to Japan after Shinji called her and told her what had happened. Her relationship with Misato hadn't always been a good one, but despite the words that had often came from her mouth, she didn't hate Misato and never had. It meant a great deal to Misato to be able to reconcile things with her and with Ritsuko as well. The breakdown of their friendship had hurt them both pretty badly and they were glad to have a chance to fix it.

The day he had finally been able to bring Misato home had been a very happy one for her. He surprised her when he drove up in her beloved and recently restored Renault Alpine. It had earned him a patented Misato bear hug, which he was far less resistant to than he used to be. He drove her around the city for a while, letting her get a feel for the world outside the institute, a world she hadn't seen in five years.

When he began to head out into the countryside, she wondered where they were going. He told her it was a surprise. He had told her that he had bought a house, but he had refused to tell her about it. She would just have to wait until she could leave the institute and live in it. It proved to be her second pleasant surprise of the day.

He had bought the house from a landscape designer who needed to sell the property to pay off his business debts. It was in the hills, twenty minutes outside of Tokyo 2, just far enough away to be a refuge from life in the busy city. He felt that it would be an ideal place for her to continue her recovery. On the outside it looked purely traditional, but the interior was a combination of traditional and modern design. The property itself wasn't large, but it was beautifully landscaped with cherry blossom and Japanese maple trees. She fell in love with it, but the best part was yet to come.

He had her close her eyes and he led her into the backyard. When he told her to open her eyes she was greeted by the site of a hot spring and it blew her away. The previous owner had bought the property because of that hot spring and the work he had done around it showcased his obvious talents. Stone pathways, decorative boulders and stonework led to a set of stone steps carved into the front of the moderately sized pool. Carefully chosen plants gave it an almost primeval, semi-tropical beauty and there were decorative lanterns arranged around the pool that would bath it in a soft glow in the evenings.

"Welcome home Misato," he had said to her, which earned him another bear hug. A moment later she heard the same words again, only this time from many more voices. She broke into a huge smile when she turned to see the group standing behind her. Hyuga, Aoba and Fuyutsuki. Ritsuko and Maya. Kensuke and Touji. Hikari and Asuka. And standing in front of the group, PenPen.

A soft murmur from Misato pulled him from his recollections. When she started making noises in her sleep, it usually meant she was headed for a nightmare. Normally it would wake him and he would hold her a little closer to him and she would usually be fine. The night of her homecoming was the only night she had slept in her own room. The party had tired her out enough that she slept well that night. The next night however she awoke with a scream that would have roused the dead. She spent the rest of that night in his bed, held tightly in his arms. She hadn't slept alone since.

He went over to her and brushed a stray lock of purple hair from her eyes and gently kissed her forehead.

"It's okay Misato," he whispered. "I'm here." When she made no further noise, he returned to his chair.

He looked towards the kitchen and smiled lightly. It was a disaster area in there and the air in the house still smelled of burnt food. While he had been in the city running some errands earlier in the day, she had decided to try and cook dinner for him. She had been feeling kind of useless around the house and felt like she was being a bit of a burden to him. She badly wanted to do something nice for him, to show him at least some small token of appreciation for taking such good care of her. She had been watching him closely in the kitchen for a couple of weeks and she thought she had picked up enough knowledge to make him a simple meal. Unfortunately it turned into a bigger disaster than anything else she had ever tried to cook before.

When he came home he found her sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, quietly crying and sporting a nasty burn to her left hand. A trip to the emergency room and a couple of painkillers later and she was asleep on the couch. He had apologized to her on the way back home from the hospital. He had been trying to do everything for her and he hadn't realized how useless she had been feeling. As it turned out it would prove to be a defining moment in their relationship. From that point on they became truly equal partners in everything they did, be it work or play, and it made them better together. Her psychological recovery accelerated, and while she would never again be the Misato of old, she was closer to it and maybe even better.

_**

* * *

Three Months Later: **_

Misato cruised down the winding road through the countryside in her Alpine, singing along with one of her current favourite songs as it blared from the stereo. It had been a long time since she felt this good. Asuka, Ritsuko and Maya had taken her out for a spa day, which she knew had been set up by Shinji in order to get her out of the house. Her handsome housemate was up to something and her friends knew what it was. They had taken great pleasure in watching her squirm as they refused to tell her anything.

Despite that, she had enjoyed the day immensely. She had been pampered from head to toe. Hair and make up, manicure, pedicure and massage. The massage had been a bit of a worry to her at first, since having a stranger touch her in any manner still freaked her out a little, but she was able to put it out of her mind and enjoy the massage.

She was completely relaxed and had had a wonderful time talking and laughing with her friends. The shopping hadn't been bad either and she hoped Shinji liked the new dress she was wearing. It was a simple, light burgundy summer dress that wasn't too racy or conservative and she looked damn good in it if she did say so herself.

The sun was going down when she pulled into the driveway and the sight before her made her smile. Shinji had strung lanterns along the walkway to the house and tiny lights were strung in the trees that adorned the front yard. It gave the house an enchanting look in the fading light of the day. Shinji was leaning against the front door waiting for her, dressed in dark slacks and a blue casual dress shirt, a big smile plastered on his face. She thought he looked pretty good.

"Enjoy yourself today?" he asked.

"Immensely," she answered with a broad smile. "Now what exactly are you up to Mr. Ikari?"

He took her by the hand and kissed her on the cheek. "C'mon in and find out," he whispered in her ear.

The lighting in the house was subdued, with small lights like the ones outside strung around the room, and a pair of tall candles illuminating the dining room table. Soft music was playing on the stereo and a wonderful smell was gently wafting from the kitchen. Unless she missed her guess, dinner was Italian.

He turned to face her and took both of her hands in his. "I wanted to put together a special day for the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

It always made her feel so good when he told her she was beautiful, and he told her often. "Well you've succeeded so far," she told him. Her smile and the look in her eyes confirming it for him. "I always knew you would be the romantic type."

He smiled. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. And I like the dress, you look great."

She actually blushed. "Thank you."

"Hungry?" he asked. "Dinner's ready."

Shinji's meals were always good, but he had outdone himself this time. Misato was sure that she had died and gone to heaven, and that was before she tasted dessert. As she enjoyed the food and the conversation that came with it, she couldn't help but think about how far they had come in their relationship together. There just seemed to be a natural flow to it. They were able to talk to each other about anything and they did so with ease. There were no lies and no secrets between them, even the age difference seemed to have disappeared.

She was deeply in love with Shinji. He had become a strong, handsome young man, with a great sense of humour that he was no longer afraid to use. He had always had a kind heart and she had found out just how kind and compassionate he could be over the last eighteen months. He had literally saved her life and her soul and he had shown her that someone could love her just for who she was, no matter how damaged she may be. She knew it all sounded somewhat cliched, but she couldn't help it, that was how she felt.

"Misato?" his voice broke into her thoughts. She looked up to see him standing next to her.

"Hmmm? Oh, I'm sorry Shinji," she apologized sheepishly. "I guess I spaced out for a second."

"You okay?"

"I'm fine, I was just thinking."

"Would you like to dance with me?" he asked. He seemed nervous. She noticed that the music had changed to something with a little more tempo than what was playing during dinner.

"I'd love to."

Neither of them were great dancers, but they managed to keep from stepping on each other's feet. It was more about being close to each other than the dance itself anyway, so the fact that they weren't Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers didn't matter to them. In the last eighteen months she had spent a lot of time being held by him. It gave them both a sense of comfort and belonging that neither of them had really had before. After all that they had been through in their lives, they welcomed the sense of security they seemed to get from each other.

Distracted again by her thoughts for him, she was slightly surprised when she felt his lips come into light contact with hers. Surprised, but not disappointed. She went with it and they shared a long, soulful kiss that left them a little breathless.

"Am I…moving too quickly Misato?" he asked. He was as nervous as a teenager on his first date.

She knew that what he really meant was, 'Am I presuming too much and pushing you into something you aren't ready for.'

"Not at all Shinji." She could feel the heat rising between them. "Not at all."

Their lips met again, with more urgency this time, and it wasn't long before they found themselves in the bedroom. They took their time, undressing each other slowly between deep, passionate kisses. They were in no hurry, wanting to make what they were feeling last as long as they could. They were in a place that they had both hoped they would arrive at someday, but it was the one thing, the only thing, they never talked about. It was as if they were afraid it would never happen if they did.

When Shinji gently laid her down on the bed, Misato found herself being attended to and pleasured in a way no man had ever tried with her. With gentleness, with great care, and, quite frankly, with great attention to detail. Shinji told her how beautiful he thought she was and when she subconsciously tried to cover the scar beneath her breasts and the one under her right arm where she had been shot, he gently moved her hands away and kissed the old wounds, telling her that she didn't need to hide them from him, they were part of her and she didn't need to feel self conscious about them.

He touched and tasted every part of her, and he was so gentle, treating her not so much like she was fragile, but more like she was a dream that he was afraid he would wake up from if his touch wasn't subtle. She was in a blissful haze, the feeling that was washing over her was unlike anything she had ever felt before.

'_Is this what it's like to be with someone who truly loves you?'_ she thought.

When her orgasm finally arrived, it wasn't with a thunderous crash, but much like the way it had grown, it came as a gentle, rolling wave that worked its way up from her toes. It may have washed over her gently, but it was no less intense or powerful. She quivered and gasped and shook until that wave slowly receded. For Shinji, he had never seen anything so beautiful as Misato with that enraptured look on her face and her eyes sparkling in the glow of the moonlight and the lanterns that flowed in through the bedroom windows. And as she whispered in his ear that he should most definitely take her now, he knew he would get to see that look a few more times before the night was out.

* * *

Quite some time later they were relaxing in the hot spring behind the house. He noticed the contented smile on Misato's face as she gazed up at the stars.

"What's on your mind beautiful?" he asked.

"I was thinking about how happy I am," she told him. "I owe you so much Shinji, I don't know how I can ever repay you."

"You do that every time you laugh or smile and every time you say you love me," he said, giving her hand a squeeze. "That's the most valuable currency in the world."

"And what about all those other noises I was making earlier?" she asked with a playful gleam in her eye.

"A feast for my male ego," he joked.

"Thank you Shinji," she said with the utmost sincerity. "It has been a wonderful day."

"It's not over yet," he grinned. "I have something for you."

It was at that moment that she noticed PenPen floating up to them on his back. Balanced on his feathered belly was a small, velvet box, which Shinji took from him.

"Thank you PenPen, there's a beer and some fresh fish for you in the kitchen."

With a wave of his flipper and an appreciative 'Wark', PenPen exited the hot spring and waddled to the house.

Shinji knelt in front of Misato and opened the box. Inside was a simple white gold engagement ring with a single small diamond set in the centre. She got a lump in her throat when she saw it.

"My father always claimed that he threw away all reminders of my mother," he began. "Like usual, it was a lie and part of his plan to deprive me of any happiness. When they cleaned out his private quarters, Fuyutsuki found a safe among my father's belongings that held several pictures of my mother as well as the ring he gave her when he proposed to her. It's nothing spectacular, they were still in college when he proposed so he didn't have a lot of money, but it was hers and it means a great deal to me."

He removed it from the box and held it up so that the diamond caught the moonlight. "So with this ring, I ask you if you will do me the honour of becoming my wife. Maybe it's too soon and maybe I'm jumping the gun. Maybe I'm just a love struck fool, but it feels right to me." He looked straight into her beautiful, brown eyes. "Will you marry me, Misato Katsuragi?"

Her eyes were wide and brimming with tears and it took her a moment to find her voice. "Yes Shinji Ikari, I will marry you."

He took her hand and placed the ring on her finger. It was perfect. She regarded it in wonder for a long moment before pulling him to her in a tight embrace and kissing him deeply. They were both happier than they ever knew they could be and it somehow only seemed right that they had found that happiness with each other.

It had indeed been a long way home from that day on the roof of the institute, and now that journey had reached its end.

It was time to start a new one.

* * *

Thank's for reading, your reviews are welcomed, encouraged and greatly appreciated.

And please, check out my other stories. You know how to find them.


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